Fizz News Feed

The Fizz News Feed is a news ticker that displays stories about the latest events in the Bitcoin Billionaire world. It displays news about the player's latest Investments and Upgrades, as well as the rising fame of the player's character. The feed is also able to follow the player through time via Interdimensional Wi-Fi.

Prehistoric Era
{| class="article-table article-table-selected" border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="1" style="width: 500px; height: 500px;" ! scope="col"|News
 * r u reddy for decorative rocks! get all the rox you can handle by going to rocks4yew? now! tell the cashier this coupon c0de for a discount: WOOOROCKSYEAH!!!
 * Folk artists are cashing in on this new "primitive art" craze. One artist publically admitted he just sticks paint up his nose, sneezes on a canvas, then sells the piece to collectors.
 * Evolution reared its ugly head today when hunters found animals wearing spear-proof jackets. Sharper spear tips may penetrate the new barriers, but experts are unsure how far this arms race could go. Rapid fire spears, perhaps?
 * Cave inventor see rock. Cave inventor push rock down hill. It keep going. Cave inventor patent shape and sell as wheel. Cave inventor no live in cave anymore.
 * An ode to Wilstone, by Chuck Yesland: Wilstone, you are my friend. Wilstone, your smile will never end. Wilstone, your face looks like my hand. Wilstone, I'm sorry you got washed away on the raft, I probably should have tied you down better.
 * Explorers have found a new kind of fruit deep in the jungle. It's called "coffee", and they say it tastes pretty good. We're skeptical about drinking anything hot, liquid and brown though.
 * Are you an upright ape? Do you dream of having a thing that you can use to hit things with that also doesn't brust your squishy skin? You need a stick. Get one today!
 * A new species of bird has been discovered that can look at something and carve it's likeness in stone. Dubbed "picturetakingi photographicus", the avians are having no trouble finding work as paparazzi.
 * Rug makers are reporting a sharp rise in the demand for pet bed made from the fur of giant felines. "At this rate, the sabretooth tiger may be extinct in, oh, 9 million years."
 * A friendly reminder to our tenants in waterside caverns: please do not pour your contents of your bedpan into the adjacent waterfall. Your downstairs neighbors can't get the smell out of their caves.
 * Restaurant patrons were horrified when a gust placed his stone salad fork to the right of his stone dinner fork. "Well I never", one rich guy said.
 * At work or out on the town, show your alpha status with a finely crafted BamBam brand club. The guy or gal you hit over the head and drag back to your cave will appreciate your refined taste.
 * Pioneers of the new world (a.k.a the other side of the swamp) report record no deaths this week. "No one has seen that dreaded 'you have died of dysentery' message. It's been great!"
 * A man was thrown out of the bowling alley tonight for wearing something called "shoes". The owner said they smelled terrible, were soaking in bacteria, and would scratch up the floor. The bowler left in shame.
 * Researchers at Habilis University have stumbled upon a startling discovery. They call it "fire", and as best they can tell, it can be used to turn your skin bright red and make it hurt. Additional tests are forthcoming.
 * A group of hunters were spotted in the forest today, each wearing brightly colored armor and carrying a huge weapon. When approached by authorities, the group offered this explanation: "We're hunting monsters. Want a nulberry?"
 * A Wilma's Secret model faces public scrutiny as she was caught ordering a salad at a local restaurant. "Not eating huge slabs of meat? That goes against our paleo dietary needs!" One chubby lady said.
 * Rug makers are reporting a sharp rise in the demand for pet bed made from the fur of giant felines. "At this rate, the sabretooth tiger may be extinct in, oh, 9 million years."
 * A friendly reminder to our tenants in waterside caverns: please do not pour your contents of your bedpan into the adjacent waterfall. Your downstairs neighbors can't get the smell out of their caves.
 * Restaurant patrons were horrified when a gust placed his stone salad fork to the right of his stone dinner fork. "Well I never", one rich guy said.
 * At work or out on the town, show your alpha status with a finely crafted BamBam brand club. The guy or gal you hit over the head and drag back to your cave will appreciate your refined taste.
 * Pioneers of the new world (a.k.a the other side of the swamp) report record no deaths this week. "No one has seen that dreaded 'you have died of dysentery' message. It's been great!"
 * A man was thrown out of the bowling alley tonight for wearing something called "shoes". The owner said they smelled terrible, were soaking in bacteria, and would scratch up the floor. The bowler left in shame.
 * Researchers at Habilis University have stumbled upon a startling discovery. They call it "fire", and as best they can tell, it can be used to turn your skin bright red and make it hurt. Additional tests are forthcoming.
 * A group of hunters were spotted in the forest today, each wearing brightly colored armor and carrying a huge weapon. When approached by authorities, the group offered this explanation: "We're hunting monsters. Want a nulberry?"
 * A Wilma's Secret model faces public scrutiny as she was caught ordering a salad at a local restaurant. "Not eating huge slabs of meat? That goes against our paleo dietary needs!" One chubby lady said.
 * A man was thrown out of the bowling alley tonight for wearing something called "shoes". The owner said they smelled terrible, were soaking in bacteria, and would scratch up the floor. The bowler left in shame.
 * Researchers at Habilis University have stumbled upon a startling discovery. They call it "fire", and as best they can tell, it can be used to turn your skin bright red and make it hurt. Additional tests are forthcoming.
 * A group of hunters were spotted in the forest today, each wearing brightly colored armor and carrying a huge weapon. When approached by authorities, the group offered this explanation: "We're hunting monsters. Want a nulberry?"
 * A Wilma's Secret model faces public scrutiny as she was caught ordering a salad at a local restaurant. "Not eating huge slabs of meat? That goes against our paleo dietary needs!" One chubby lady said.
 * A group of hunters were spotted in the forest today, each wearing brightly colored armor and carrying a huge weapon. When approached by authorities, the group offered this explanation: "We're hunting monsters. Want a nulberry?"
 * A Wilma's Secret model faces public scrutiny as she was caught ordering a salad at a local restaurant. "Not eating huge slabs of meat? That goes against our paleo dietary needs!" One chubby lady said.
 * A Wilma's Secret model faces public scrutiny as she was caught ordering a salad at a local restaurant. "Not eating huge slabs of meat? That goes against our paleo dietary needs!" One chubby lady said.
 * A Wilma's Secret model faces public scrutiny as she was caught ordering a salad at a local restaurant. "Not eating huge slabs of meat? That goes against our paleo dietary needs!" One chubby lady said.